Finvarra
by Freeatpeace
Summary: 'I will need to go and work soon' I said, rather spoiling the moment, but if I was late is read to think what would happen. I started work at about seven and it was crazy how long we had sat listening to each other. 'Oh.' He said making big puppy dog eyes. 'Stay a little longer darlin'.' 'O.k' Two letters from my mouth and he smiled again. READ AND REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

Helllo! So this is the start of my second story. Exciting huh?

Sadly I don't own Jack Sparrow *cries for eternity* So I thought I would write about someone from the same place as me! Ballachalish! (said like Balahoolish) cool huh? Yeah so Scotland really. I have also gone for a young pre-dreads and brain damage Jack. READER WARNING: this plot will be very very very very depressing. As you may know is my style ;) so one last thing REVIEW GUYS and enjoy my loverlyes

Feeatpeace xxx

I am a strong girl. My limbs are that of a slave, thin like the very tip of a branch. Snapped and bruised just as easily. Hell, of course they're thin! It's not like I ever ate anything. I am brave. My eyes are a steel green, that has greyed slightly over times and tide. They carry huge black abrasions, that scream for the sleep they never can get. When eyes have seen so much, how can they remember how to rest? I am a stranger here. My hair is thick, wildly curly and flame red. My large, natural ringlets are often scraped back into a long, bright pleat that contrasted with the ghostly pallor of my skin. I hurt. An angry cut engraves itself down my cheek, I reach out gingerly to touch it and wince at the searing pain that shoots through me. This is what happens when I don't 'work hard enough'. Just breathing the sickly air of Tortuga and resisting the tempting opium that offered itself up too my pained mind at every turn was harder work than a girl should ever have too face. Even after serving drinks and bedding paying customers all night, I didn't manage to turn in enough money too satisfy my violent employer. Every night I wonder why I sailed away from Scotland, to this. And then I remember how much my father hated me, how hard the winter was and I didn't miss it. No. That was a lie. I missed it, the hills and the lochs, the purple landscape from Glenshee to Loch Leven, and my birth place Ballachulish. I missed the dancing, and the bright tartans. I was an Anderson, a clan-less one. Us Anderson's are all teachers and doctors like my parents, or become them. I left when I was sixteen, as a stowaway soon to turn physician on a ship that went to the new world, then with no money in my pocket I somehow found my way from Alba to this unholy place. Captain Finvarra Anderson, most feared Gaelic pirate in all the North Sea. It had sounded like a fine thing until I ended in the Caribbean, no longer able to speak Gàidhlig (Gaelic) to anyone, having to use only my English and with a new name of Ealasaid Shee, Ealasaid being Gaelic for Elizabeth and Shee, I took from Glenshee, one of the most beautiful places in Alba, it means 'Glen of the fairies'. It was my family I didn't miss, we travelled around a lot, being Anderson's it's just what we did. Though we always stayed in the highlands. My father was disappointed that I want a son, and because my mother died giving birth too me, he said his sorrow was my fault. He hit me just as much as my employer here. I use to have a twin sister, Eilidh. Then one winter she got pneumonia, an that was...it. He blamed me for that too. My heart ached to have her here with me, we were identical and best friends as well as sisters. We grew to depend on each other. When she died, I swear a part of me did too. My brothers were the same as my father, they hated me. Eoin, the eldest hit me just like dad. When Hamish died from a fall at Ben a Hee, the frequent beatings I received stopped, to be replaced with simple neglect. I didn't exist to my father or Eoin. And they no longer existed to me. I didn't miss the midges, or the stupid cows with hair the same colour as mine. I didn't miss Jacobites and rain. It was hard work to live in Alba, we never had a lot too eat, mainly just brose which tasted awful. But I hated it here, no one wants a skinny, beaten whore so it was hard to get customers, my opium addled boss, Mr. Hanson, would either starve me or beat the hell out of me or both, if I didn't manage to bring in way too much money. And that was ever night. 'Séist,Fhir a' bhàta, 's na ho ro eile, Fhir a' bhàta, 's na ho ro eile, Fhir a' bhàta, 's na ho ro eile  
Mo shoraidh slàn leat 's gach àit', an téid thu, Is tric mi 'sealltainn o'n chnoc a's àirde, Dh'fheuch am faic mi fear a' bhàta, An tig thu an diùigh no'n tig thu a-màireach?  
'S mur tig thu idir gur truagh a tà mi...' I sang to myself softly as I dabbed the blood off my face, and wiped it off my ear rings. I had several gold rings in each ear and a small blue tattoo on my wrist. "Eala!" A voice bellowed from inside the bar. I ran to see what it was Mr. Hanson wanted now. "It be gettin' busy in this here tavern o' mine and you think you can just stand outside an' attend to your looks!" He yelled at me. I kept my head down, a few of the people in the tavern had begun to stare. "No sir." I mumbled. He slapped me across the face with a force that through me to the ground. My head spun. "Pol thoin!" I yelled at him, knowing he couldn't understand me. "Don't think you can speak in that idiotic peasant language to me girl!" He started kicking me. I curled up defensively as his boot made repeated contact with my head, until I was dully aware of a thick, hot liquid matting my hair. He spat on me and left. I crawled to the door, and breathed the sour, salty air. There were pirates piling in too the streets and taverns, I stumbled through the crowd dizzy and in pain. My blood was dripping down my dress and face, through my hair and running off my fingers. I swayed this way and that, desperate to remain conscious. But the blackness was closing in. And I collapsed right there in the street, bleeding and crying, landing right on top of a pirate. Seeing nothing but dark confused eyes before the blackness took me completely.

When I woke, I wasn't were I had fallen. 'Oh god' I thought, someone's found me and now I'm going to die. God knows what they will do to me first. I curled up in a small ball, wrapping my arms around my knees. It was dark so it took me a while to notice the same almost black eyes boring into me. "Bloody hell." Came the voice that went with them, he had a strong London accent. I looked at the pirate. He was young maybe nineteen or twenty, the same age as me I think. He had black hair with a few curious items tied into it, held back by a red bandanna. He had the beginnings of a beard and moustache and very tanned skin. Those intriguing eyes were defined by black kohl, which made them somehow even darker. He was very handsome. There was something about him that wasn't quite like anyone I had encountered before. Perhaps it was the curious depth in his eyes. "What 'appended?" He asked. His voice was deep gruff. I answered slowly, my throat raw. "It's nothing to worry about just...work troubles, I'll be fine." I got up and ran down the street away from this fascinating man, even though he called after me. It was a warm, wet night as there was a storm out at sea. Many pirates would stay in Tortuga, drinking until the storm passed, so there were always more customers on storm nights. The small droplets of rain cooled my face and washed some of the blood from me. I found a barrel of water outside a tavern and splashed it over me removing as much of the beastly red stains as possible. I went back into the tavern and put on my apron, keeping my head down. It was just routine, no matter how much Mr Hanson hit me, I would just go back in and resume work. I got signalled by a table in the corner to bring them some ale and I made my way over. It was full of boisterous pirates, three of which had whores perched on there lap. "I'll tell ya what makes a good whore!" One of them bellowed. "A good backside!" This caused the other foul characters on the table to join together in sickly laughter. All except one of the men at the table, in the corner, whom I recognised immediately. It was the man from the street. He gazed at me seriously, clearly in a bitter mood. One of the pirates looked me up and down, sneering, as I placed the tankers of ale on the table. "'Ere's one for you Jackie, he sad in the direction of the man, whom I presumed was called Jack. "Hardly, there's no arse on the wench!" One of them yelled, again they all laughed. I looked down at myself, he was right, there was barley enough flesh on me to stay alive though it wasn't my fault. I fought against the tears I was determined not to cry, though it must have been obvious I was upset. "Oh, look at that!" One of the whores exclaimed. "The wee things all upset now." Her voice dripped with mockery, and I had to resist the urge to slap her ugly made-up face off. Jack looked at me apologetically as I cleared the empty mugs and stalked off to wait on other tables full of scoundrels. "I'm sorry about that uncanny lot." Jack's voice came from behind me. I didn't turn in his direction. "Why are you apologising?" I snapped, whirling around to face him. "You think I don't get it every day? Enjoy your drinks Jack, I'm not worth talking too." I began to walk off. "At least tell me your name!" He called after me. "Ealasaid." I called back to him, at least he would know how to find me should he ever come looking. There was just something about those onyx eyes of his, that made me hope he would.

I finished working around three in the morning and left the tavern. If I hadn't managed to find a customer to spend some intimate time with, I would find some ally too sleep in. I often lay in the street outside the brothel, because most of the men that walked by were already satisfied enough to leave me be. I hunched up against the wall, shivering slightly. My god my existence was pitiful. I began to sing another Gaelic song to myself, I often sang when I was upset. And I was often upset. Just as I began to doze a voice piped up from behind me. "Well what a pretty little voice this whore has!" A drunken man stumbled towards me, wearing a grin that made my toes curl and my hair stand on end. I backed away from him. "I'm don't work here." I said quietly. He scoffed at me, he was close now, and he reached out to tangle his fingers in by auburn hair. "That don't matter to me, we can still have our fun." He leered at me causing me to shiver, this time not from the cold wind. "Get away from me." I warned, but he just laughed, pushing me to the ground. He held me down with the weight of his body. I screamed. "No need for that." He breathed as he tried to force my legs apart. I screamed and screamed, shrieking in horror at what this man was going to do to me. My blood curdling cries filled the night air, no doubt ignored. The man started to claw at my dress, tearing it a little. I screamed even louder, though I didn't know it was possible until now. Then, suddenly a shot rang out and the man froze. I felt his blood pouring on to me, and he went limp, rolling on too the ground beside me. And I saw behind him, still holding a smoking gun, Jack. Who was rapidly turning into some sort of guardian angel. He walked over to crouch down beside me, I could smell the alcohol that clung to his clothes. I was too in shock to speak. I just cried as Jack examined the cut on my face, his eye brows knitted together in concentration and concern. He helped me steadily to my feet and guided me into the brothel. He wound an arm around my waist and spoke to a woman inside. "I need a key to a room for me and the wench." He demanded. The woman did not look at me but assumed I was a whore, which I suppose Was a correct assumption even though I did not work in her establishment. "What are you doing?" I asked Jack in fear as he led me down a dark corridor. "I'm getting you to somewhere safe." He said as he opened the door. He helped me too the bed and locked the door. I stared at him, scared that he may be planning on similar things to the man I had just encountered. He went to a small basin in the corner of the room and tore a bit of his shirt, to dampen in the water. He began to wipe the blood from me, my own and the now dead man. "Where are you from?" He asked suddenly. "What?" Was my way of asking why he would want to know such a thing. "Well, your accent, your name, they make me wonder where your from." He explained looking now at the bruises on my skinny arms. "Alba." I told him, he looked at me confused. "Scotland." I corrected myself remembering the English name for my home country. He nodded. Things were sufficiently awkward, but I couldn't help feeling safe as this stranger tended to me. I realised he was looking intently at the scars on one of my shoulders. He was probably thinking about how ugly they were. I wrapped an arm round my shoulder to conceal them, seeing what I was trying to do, he startled me by stopping my hand and pushing it back. He pulled down his own sleeve to reveal almost identical scars running across his tanned skin. "Snap." He said without humour before getting up to ring out his makeshift cloth. "Now I'm gonna stay in 'ere tonight for appearances sake, but don't worry I'll be gone tomorrow an' won't cause you any trouble savvy?" I nodded at him, already half asleep. I was so exhausted from the hard day. He must have noticed me falling asleep, as he was surprisingly quiet in removing his weapons and boots from his person. The last thing I was aware of before sleep claimed me completely, was this beautiful stranger sliding into the bed next to me and begin to snore.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! Next bit, I hope people are reading this :3 so DUDE REVIEW! Pleaaaseee I will give you a pair of pirate boots! Honest! So this story is a little dark and I apologies for that xD Ok and check out my other story please! For those of you reading that, I plan to do a big chunk soon do not worry I am just waiting for inspiration! Its pretty much getting to the climax btw so you will have to wait and see what happens! (hopefully it will be VERY dramatic) So yeah leave a review! I don't own Jack *jumps of bridge and kills self* So um yeah REVIEW ;)

I jolted awake. Sweat was dripping from my forehead, my hair matted at the nape of my neck. Just a dream. I had seen his face, the man. I had lived through it again only this time, Jack didn't come, my angel didn't protect me. I had seen the repulsive creatures toothless smile as he had his way with me in the street. It was so vivid that I smelt his foul breath. I had screamed but no one had come and I had just been led to bleed and die. He had laughed at me, hit me and used me until I just had nothing left. What really scared me is that I knew if it weren't for the man next to me, that dream would have been a reality. As my pulse slowed I tried to calm myself just listening to his light snore. He was deep in sleep, so cautiously, making sure I didn't wake him, I slid my body closer to his and felt the warmth of his back and smelt the sea air that clung to him. He smelt like freedom, like everything I wanted, the sea breeze running through my hair with a bottle of rum to drown any sorrow and an ocean to drown myself. I had often thought of that, just stepping into the ocean and never coming back out. I don't think any one would notice I was gone, I could just disappear into time and the world would keep on turning. I would let the waves wash over me until the end of time. But for some reason, tonight, even after all that had happened I felt...something. A tiny small something, a reason to stay alive, even if it was just to know Jack's last name. That was reason enough for me. I was so utterly and stupidly contented with that, that I let the sound of Jack's steady breathing lull me to sleep once more.

When my eyes fluttered open again, I was pressed right up against Jack chest to chest, his arm resting loosely on me. I jumped back as though his touch had burned my skin. I felt electricity pulse through me at the warmth of his golden flesh. I didn't even know who he was but it was like a storm was brewing up in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it was because I had never had a friend or just anyone really. I was probably just over exited at the thought of an actual real person who was not going to beat me and insult me to talk too. But then again this current I felt racing around my body... I hand't realised how long and how intently I had been staring at him, but when he opened one eye sleepily to smirk at me and add 'see anythin' you like love?' I guessed it must have been a while. I turned away as I felt heat come into my cheeks, no doubt turning them an outrages shade of scarlett, Jack chuckled under his breath before groggily standing up and stretching out his muscular body. I so desperately wanted to talk to him. To really talk, to someone, hell anyone would do! But I felt so awkward and I wasn't used to company of any kind, I just didn't know where to start. Jack gave me occasional sideways glances as he noticed my unease. 'Something be troublin' ye?' I shook my head and bit my lip, damn I wanted to just talk, he had only heard a couple of short sentences and for just once in my life I wanted someone to know me! Even if it was just a small bit, for once I wanted someone I didn't have to be afraid off. Summoning the little courage I had I took a deep breath, and spoke. 'Why did you help me?' My voice had sounded like a pathetic little whisper. I was more than that voice, the voice I had learnt to use. He didn't look at me as he answered. 'Ah well luv, if a girl is gettin' attacked in the street, and I was to just walk past well then... What kind of a man would I be?' I hmmm'd at him slightly whilst he knocked out a leather hat. 'A normal one.' I concluded aloud. He turned to look at me, his eyebrows knitting together, he sashayed over and sat down on the bed beside me, sending my heart cartwheeling out of control. Why did his eyes have to do that? 'What exactly happened to you love?' I laughed internally at his casual, frequent use of that particular term of endearment. But realised what he asked me and my chest tightened. But I told him, we sat for goodness knows how many hours. I talked vibrantly about what it was like back in Scotland, about why I left and how I found work. What I had done and what I thought was going to happen. I just told him...everything. He listened more than intently, occasionally raising his eyebrows or making faces at the descriptions I gave him. It felt strange in a way for someone who had really come out of no where to know me like this, to hear my story. I finished finally as we both sat cross legged on the bed opposite each other. He knew now my real name was Finvarra, that people called me Eala, that I was 17 about a month ago and that my life wasn't going very well at the moment to say the least. Silence filled the air when I had finished talking, and things grew a little awkward, so I decided it was his turn to fill the silence. 'So how about you? Surely you have a story?' He flashed me a glorious lopsided grin, showing one golden tooth before launching in too a story I could have listened to for years. He had just turned eighteen now and he had already done so much. I had dreamt about places like Ship Wreck Cove when I was small, and being where he grew up I was incredibly envious of him. He told me his dream of becoming 'Captain Jack Sparrow, the most infamous pirate in the world' And I honestly hadn't felt myself smile so much in years. At some points he would get carried away with his story and start walking about the room, animating his tales with extravagant hand gestures. 'So!' He said, almost out of breath, sitting heavily back down on the bed. He looked straight in my eyes, smiling slightly, and I looked in his. I got so lost in them, I hadn't noticed myself leaning closer in to him until I could almost feel his hot breath on my face. I instantly looked away, blushing, causing him to grin widely. 'I will need to go and work soon' I said, rather spoiling the moment, but if I was late is read to think what would happen. I started work at about seven and it was crazy how long we had sat listening to each other. 'Oh.' He said making big puppy dog eyes. 'Stay a little longer darlin'.'  
'O.k' Two letters from my mouth and he smiled again. I was waiting to wake up from this dream, hoping I never would. Jack reached out to brush a thumb against the cut on my cheek, I winced at the touch of his rough skin on my bruises and wounds. 'One day you know, we should sail the entire ocean together love, the most feared and famous pirates in the world! You can go to Scotland and then we can go everywhere! China, India, America...everywhere. And you can be happy, and so will I. I promise Fin.' I beamed at his radiant hope and energy. 'What did you call me?' I giggled. He chuckled with me. 'Fin! For Finvarra.' I considered that for a moment. 'I like it!' Never in my life had I connected with a person so intensely, so quickly. It made all my scars and bruises, each rib that protruded farther than it should seem so utterly insignificant and painless that it broke my heart to think I had to leave soon. But I had to none the less. 'Jack I really have to be going' he nodded glumly in response, before grabbing me by the hand and tugging me out the door, we crept down the stairs, stifling laughter. We tried to sneak past the stocky woman in the bottom room but didn't succeed in going unnoticed. 'Bloody hell it's about time you too! Young ones honestly they can never be satisfied.' She said with a shake of her head. We both hung our heads in embarrassment before we crashed out of the door. We turned to each other slowly and simultaneously burst into whooping laughter. I had to hold by side with the pain of not being able to breath in the very best way, whilst Jack tried very hard not to fall over. I think my hand he was still holding was the only thing keeping him up. It was a better feeling than I had had in years. In forever. I ignored the pain in my face and just continued to smile like a lunatic. When our laughter died down and the sky began to dull, though our faces grew serious, neither of us wanted the moment to become sad. 'Bye Fin.' Jack said before kissing me lightly on the forehead and turning to leave. 'Jack!' I called after him, he spun quickly on his heel. 'Thank you.' I said, and I really truly meant it. I couldn't have felt more grateful to someone who had made me queen of Scotland. He had made me smile, made me laugh. I had a friend. I had never had one before and I could never had imagined how good it felt. He touched his hat, smiling warmly at me and began to swagger down through Tortuga, as I silently prayed I would see him again. Soon.

Back at the tavern it was hot and smelled of sweaty men and alcohol, definitely not my favourite place to be. But none the less I placed tankard after tankard of ale, and glass after glass of rum, whisky and god knows what else on the tables. I was so giddy with my encounter with Jack Sparrow, I barely heard the insults, hurled at me by drunken men. Barely felt Mr. Hanson slap me across the face. But as the night progressed I found my mood darkening. I missed someone I hardly knew and it was stupid but I did. He hadn't even been gone long. I suppose it was because, well I didn't know if I would ever see him again. That put a lump in my throat so big I could have choked. But I had been abandoned before so I really didn't see why this was bothering me so much. 'Damn it Finvarra get a grip!' I told myself under my breath. A little to distracted tonight to get customers for the night, I thought the street looked to be my bed for the night again. I decided to head down to the beach, sleeping rough wasn't so bad with the gentle roll of waves and soft sand to feel in between your toes. My stomach growled at me, I was so hungry it hurt. I survived pretty much on the odd bits of alcohol or fruit that I could scavenge from where ever I happened to be. And as good fortune would have it I managed to get a whole tankard of thick ale in me tonight. Feeling lonely and sad I trudged down to the beach and lay against a rock. I watched from a distance as men busied themselves on their ships. It was to long since I had been on one, feeling a strange combination of complete freedom and nausea, though I got my sea legs pretty quickly. I wonder what the ship Jack crewed looked like, what it was called and who was captain. I wondered what my guardian angel was doing now. I drifted away with my thoughts until I felt something I had been dreading for some time. My hands and forehead began sweating and my heart began to beat fast. I felt sick and dizzy. Oh god, I knew what my body was demanding and I had resisted it for too long. I had to chase the dragon...opium was calling me.

When I had first started selling myself the opium den became a great place to get customers, and some of them were grateful enough to buy me what the den had to offer. At first, it was wonderful. All I had to do was breath some magic smoke and it took away the pain of facing the reality of my life. And all I did was create another heart breaking problem for myself. I had received a small wage and I counts it. Just my luck...it was enough. My feet began to carry me to the very darkest street in Tortuga. I was like the walking dead, I wasn't me anymore, just a hopeless drug addict. Not that I was ever much more than that. I stopped at a red door, with a black oriental dragon on it. And for all my sins I went in.  
'Ealasaid! Well, well I haven't seen you here in a while. Couldn't resist could you? The dragon never gives anyone peace. And you assured me you were stronger.' The small Chinese man sneered at me through a fog of smoke. I felt tears prick at my eyes. He was right. 'I am! I mean this is just once. I'm having a bit of difficulty...adjusting is all, ok?' I lied to him, he laughed at me and shook his head, holding out his hand for money. I handed it to him and he showed me to a dark corner of the room. 'I wondered what had happened to you, you did alright with the amount of customers you could get here.' He remarked. 'Yes well, I needed to get on you know. Time and tide, I got to a point where I couldn't separate dreams...anyway I just need a kick you know?' He nodded solemnly. I didn't need to wonder what hell was like, this was it. I saw the pallid faces of the men with bloodshot eyes. They were the living dead. Some of them had a slight yellow, grey or green tinge to their horrific completion. I almost tripped over a man who was rolling on the floor, groaning and I hated myself more than usual for what I was about to do. I had tried so hard to resist but I just couldn't! It hurt too much. I lay down shakily and the man handed me a pipe before placing his hands together and bowing slightly. I liked my dry lips. I smelt the sour smoke hovering close to my face and let my eyes roll back into their sockets slightly. I raised the instrument of self torture to my mouth, and breathed. All of a sudden I felt as though I was floating, out of body, out of mind. I felt tingly and numb right down to my fingers, I was buzzing on the inside. I was on a ship, I it swayed from side to side and I saw the waves. These waves were red. The colour of freshly spilt blood and black. I was nowhere, everywhere. I was a god, I knew, I understood, I saw. Floating, breathing, every nerve alive yet calm. Oh god it felt so good. And then I felt my heart suddenly start thrumming at lightning speed, pounding in my ears, hurting my head. I blacked out.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't understand why I have so many views and so little Reviews :'( it mak-a me sad. I don't own nufink mate! On with the story please review *big puppy dog eyes*

**Ginnypotterlover: **I like you, you rock

Freeatpeace xxx

I came too after what must have been hours, it felt like my brain had been stung by wasps and my stomach wasn't thanking me for giving in to my little 'problem'. I rubbed my dry eyes, and licked my chapped lips, slowly coming to the realisation that I was not actually _in _the opium den any more. I wish they would stop me from wondering out when I was in a state, who knew where I could end up, or what could happen too me. "Ah well, who the hell cares!" I said to myself. _Not_ expecting the "Let's just say for the moment I do." That came from beside me. I almost jumped out of my own skin. Of course. Jack. Why did he just keep turning up like this? Not that I was complaining, though I would really rather he did not know about what I had done last night, or indeed any other night before. "Why are you here?" I asked grumpily, I was always in an apocalyptic mood when I had a hang over. I stood up, wobbling slightly and dusted myself off, I was back down at the beach, only this time nearer the docks. I figure I must have stumbled down there and passed out. "Fin…why were you passed out in the shallows?" My eyes widened. "I was WHAT?" OH my god, it had happened again, he had saved my sorry arse. I shook my head in disbelief. "I mean sure I've had some wild night love but…" I laughed shakily, he obviously didn't realise what I had actually done. "Yeah well, you know how things are…so anyway!" I opted for a quick change of subject. "When are you leaving?" He smiled crookedly at me, that smile made me forget my own name. "That keen to get rid of me ay?"

"No I didn't mean" He shut me up by putting two fingers on my lips. His touch sent a thousand shivers down my spine and my skin burst into flames all over. "I'm goin' into town today, picking up some supplies for the journey, clothes and such. And I was wondering, do you want to go with me?" He asked with another squint grin and a raise of his eyebrows, he was just so damn cute! I wasn't used to seeing someone round about my age here and I suppose you could bight into the sexual tension that surrounded people our age like bread, then again maybe it was just me… "I don't know. Are you sure you want to be seen with well…me." I said shyly with a glance down at myself. His face fell. "Yeah." He said after some deliberation with a shrug of his shoulders. "Well get your arse up then!" I said, causing him to grin wolfishly at me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me along, running through the usually dark alleys, which somehow he managed to lighten up. I was too busy looking at Jacks face as he smiled his wonderful smile, so busy I ran straight into an old man. "Bloody young ones, always causing trouble!" He exclaimed before pushing me off him, straight into Jack's arms. We looked at each other as tension filled the air, I sniggered, remembering what the man had just said to me, and before we knew what was happening we were falling about laughing, happy tears in our eyes, earning us more than a few 'what are those lunatics doing' kind of looks from passers by. I had never actually managed to appreciate the gift that being young is, I always hated it because men would want you, old women just get left alone. But now…though I tried not to let myself declare that life was good because, I had just met Jack and frankly I didn't know if he would even stick around. When we had finally composed our selves enough we made our way into the colourful market street. The street was so throbbing with life that I had never been able to see before, it was like all my life I had been walking with a black veil over my eyes, shielding me from the light. I had a friend, he had lifted the veil. I was aware that I was grinning like a crazy person, but then so was he. Everywhere I looked there were people, smiling, conversing or laughing. I think I saw every type of fruit, spice and cloth imaginable, so exotic in colour and scent, filling each and every one of my senses. Purples, oranges and blues filled my vision twirling and dancing in the light. The day was perfect, hot but with a cool wind that balanced things perfectly. He kept a tight grip on my hand so we wouldn't loose each other. "It's so loud!" I yelled over the bustle of the crowd. He laughed as the ribbon in his hair got caught on something and came untied, letting black, curly hair fall around his face, typically taking my breath away. He reached behind my head and pulled on the ribbon holding my hair back, so that it could match his. My flame coloured hair billowed in the wind and he smiled at me with a look I really could not describe no matter how I may try, but I found myself higher than I had ever been on Opium. I hardly noticed as he slyly stole some apples off a merchants cart and bumped one to me with his elbow, I caught it, running my hands over the smooth red surface before taking a bite. It's sweet moisture filled my mouth, I had learnt to value ever bit of food I could get, savour it. But it was too good to resist and within seconds I had finished the entire thing. We were in the thick of the crowd now, and as I had been paying a little too much attention to food I had lost sight of Jack. "Jack!" I called through the dense wall of bodies that surrounded me on all sides. A tanned hand shot through a gap between two old women's faces and offered itself to me, I reached up to take it and he pulled me through and back too him. "Sorry ladies." He said devilishly to the two women I had almost flattened, with a wink and a small bow he some how managed to fluster even them. "For milady!" He declared motioning with his hand to a stall with some of the finest dresses _I_ had ever laid eyes on. Perhaps to noblewomen they would be nothing, but to me… "No Jack I couldn't!" I had to keep yelling so he could hear me. He put his hand against his heart dramatically. "Oh how she wounds me!" I slapped him playfully on the arm. Before I could stop him he had clapped his hands on the most gorgeous emerald and gold dress I had ever seen, exactly the same colour as my eyes I mused. I decided to humour him and let him buy it, I did need a new dress. We continued to buy three shirts, some breeches and a red bandanna he liked particularly. I helped him tie it around his hair to get it out of his face again. After we had finished in the market, he took me down to the beach, we were both exhausted and had almost lost our voices from shouting all day. I was tired and thirsty but I knew I wouldn't have changed anything for the world. Jack held out the dress to me and I took it from him grinning from ear to ear, he was looking at me expectedly and I raised my eye brows at him questioningly. "Well go on then!" He said motioning with hands. "Jack, I can't just strip down in the middle of a beach." Jack made an over exaggerated shrugging motion, earning him another playful slap. "Alright, I'm going over behind those rocks." I walked to the large stoned which formed a sort of circle. "No looking!" I called over my shoulder, just as a joke though I could just feel his cheekiest grin on my back.

I honestly had never worn anything more beautiful in my life, it would have been a perfect fit too if I could just reach to pull the ribbons at the back tight enough. Holding the ribbons at the top, I stepped out from behind the rocks. Jack was grinning at me, his eyes scanning me from head to toe. "Could you…?" I asked pointing to the ribbons I was holding. He swaggered behind me began to pull them tight. He finished them in a bow at the top with a flourish of his hands, which then swept my hair to the side and left a trail of goose pimples on my skin. I turned around slowly, he was no longer smiling, but there was a smile in his eyes. "Thank you." I told him sincerely, holding his eyes with mine. Aware that he was getting closer but not wanting to fight it, I wanted to be close to him. I had never wanted that with anyone before, there had never been any emotion in any kiss I had given, or received. Other than lust and pain. He got closer till, tilting his head to the side, still locking his eyes with mine. I could feel his hot breath on my face, I inhaled deeply, remembering the way he smelled, as exotic as the market, as rich as rum and as fresh as the ocean. Our foreheads almost touching, there was just a small gap to close. "JACKIE! We wondered where you'd got to!" Someone shouted from the dock. He drew back from me quickly as I looked away and bit my lip. He groaned and rolled his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off. "I know, you have to go." I tried not to sounds as glum as I did. He placed three fingers on my chin and tilted my face up to him, he smiled. I just had to smile back. He kissed me lightly on the cheek. "I'll be back before you know it Fin." He said warmly and turned on his heel, strolling up to the man who had called him, the red bandana I had pointed out to his, twirling in the breeze. I was going to miss him. Hell what was I thinking, I hadn't kept a handle on myself and now…one day. One trip to the market. One pirate, one guardian angel, three shirts, a pair of breeches, a dress and a gorgeous red bandana later…I had fallen in love with Jack Sparrow.

If you read that and were like: dude that's groovy:REVIEW! If you read that and were all like: How dare thee write such crap: REVIEW! If you read and were all like: I cant be arsed to review, someone else will then SHAME UPON YOU SIR!


	4. Chapter 4

Hi people! So can I just ask…If you have favourited or followed this story why don't you just click that wee review button and tell me why you did ;) It takes to two seconds so come on all you jolly sailors and make a grumpy bugger happy! ;)

Thanks to **EvilPandaNinja **(great name)

And** Elliot**

Freeatpeace xxx

It was so hard knowing he was gone. "I'll be back before you know it Fin." He had told me, well so much for that it had already been three weeks, three weeks was more than an eternity here, and when Jack came into the equation it was longer still. I wanted him to know…I would have liked him to know, the…mess I was in. He could make me feel better, maybe. But then again maybe he would reject me and shun me like everybody else. I just don't think I would ever have it in me to tell him. If I did, I knew he would probably never talk to me again. And for someone who has never and probably will never have anyone, that would be soul destroying. Since he had been gone I had smoked opium five times, and I was disgusted with myself. I could feel myself slipping, falling and spinning out of control into the waiting arms of a devil named addiction disguised as an angel named pleasure. And then there was that other little problem I had, hurting myself. I'm not really sure what I'm doing because frankly what kind of lunatic hurts themselves on purpose? I did. I do. I only ever did it because so many other people hurt me in so many ways, when I was hurting myself I was proving that I could too. Proving that, whilst they may beat me down into the ground and scar my skin they have no more control over me than I do over myself. When I was holding my hand over the dancing flame of a candle, when I was dragging a cooking knife over my hip, when I was out of control, I was _in_ control. And they weren't. I had the power over my own fate, I decided if I lived or died, and no one else. I suppose I'm crazy, well then fine, I will wear that label with my head held high and be crazy until I died. I hadn't eaten in a long time either, even longer than usual. I didn't want to, my stomach ached and groaned but the sadness and self loathing that filled my stomach made me wretch when ever I saw food. So I began to notice changes in me. What with everything, my skin took on a greyish tinge; my finger nails a blue one. I was often cold, even when everybody else was fine, I could never sleep even though I felt hideous fatigue constantly and my monthly 'troubles' so to speak…had stopped. I knew that wasn't supposed to happen, it worried me so much but the stress somehow made me continue living the way I was. I felt so stupid because I hadn't even spent that much time with Jack, I had never even kissed him and yet…I was already a wreck without him, not that I wasn't one anyway. It reminded me somewhat of Romeo and Juliet, meeting but once and devoted there after. 'Yes though in this version Juliet is a beaten up whore and Romeo probably doesn't even care' I thought bitterly. I think it was because he proved in just one day, not even that, that life can actually be _fun_, I _can_ smile, I_ can _laugh and not care what people think. I had tasted the drug and now I wanted more, and, more. I was a full on addict after one small encounter and then my supplier had left. So when I wasn't working, when I wasn't in the den I had a love-hate relationship with, I went down to the docks, I watched the ships come rolling in hoping soon, I would allow my face to

light up when a young man with a red bandana swaggered off a boat.

I lay next to the stranger in my bed, breathing heavily. He had paid me generously so I suppose I couldn't really complain. The crippling emptiness that consumed me, really got me when I had just 'finished' with a customer. It just through into sharp light how insignificant love was in a place like this. Men spent months onboard a vessel, working hard and drinking harder, then they came here, found a girl as their play thing and then left again. I wonder if any of them had a wife somewhere. I wonder if this man did, I didn't even know his name. Perhaps he had children, children waiting for him on distant lands. I wondered if they would grow to learn his ways and turn out just like him, pirates. I turned over in the sweaty bed, and laid my head heavily against the pillow, looking out of the window and watching the gentle waves. They calmed me, the sea calmed me. In a strange sense the ocean was the one thing I could relate too. It could be pretty on the surface, or hideous. It looked like one thing but it had such depth, such hidden darkness that no man could ever know about. There were stories and rumours surrounding it, giving it bad names and sometimes it would whip up into uncontrollable storms that after long and violent hours crashed down and there would be debris left on the shore, silent evidence of what had happened and a light drizzle would fall until the water could settle again. It was fished and explored until the mystery was gone; it had its life taken by people who didn't understand. I wished I could just talk to the ocean, get some answers for my silent questions. Questions that would always be silent because I didn't know what they were, I just knew they were there. My eye caught a black shape on the horizon, another ship. It made good progress as I watched it smash over the waves, it's sails billowing proudly. I was so close to the docks, I could almost make out faces of people that walked below. A few people turned and watched just like me as the ship came in, from the way people pointed and turned to talk to each other, this ship must be well known. When I first came to Tortuga I used to love looking at all the different names ships had. I remember '_The Dancing Lady', 'White China', 'Sea Ghost', 'Broken Love'_ and my personal favourite _'The Bonny Charlie'. _Obviously because it reminded me of home, though I had never managed to confirm that it was in fact a Scottish ship. The ship I had been watching was almost ready to make port now and I enjoyed seeing the pirates in their element. It looked like such fun to be high up in the crows nest, barking orders and climbing rigging. To hear the shriek of sea birds and know you were just as free ad they were. The sailors began to file off the boat, across the gang plank, some singing merrily, all looking in a hurry to get drunk and find a whore. I rolled my eyes. They settled back on the gang plank again, narrowed and then lit up more than the candle by my bed. The young man with the red bandana finally swaggered off the boat. And back into my life.

I threw off the sheet that was covering me, surprising the man a little. I grabbed my money and pelted out of the dory, down the stairs and into the rain with a smile on my face. Jack was standing on the dock, his eyes scanning the town in front of him. I think he almost bit off his own tongue when I flung myself at him and embraced him as tightly as I could. "Cant…breath." He choked humorously, I finally let him go but it took a lot of self restraint not to just fling myself right back at him. "Fin!" He exclaimed with a smile, but his face fell and he wore a frown. "You look…ill." He commented, deepest concern in his eyes. My face quickly altered to match his, I turned my face away and bit my lip, fighting the water in my eyes. But I couldn't contain one small sniffle. "Are you crying?" He asked. "No…" I lied, which was a stupid thing to try and do when a deaf man could hear the broken staccato of my voice. "Fin…" He said suspiciously and cautiously. "Did something happen?" He tried to say gently but to me it just sounded like interrogation. "No." I lied again. He wrapped an arm round my tiny waist and put his lips to my ear, "You _can_ tell me if someone does something to you, you know." He said quietly, conscious that we were surrounded by people. I nodded ever so slightly. He gave a tug on my waist, walking me down the street with him. "Where are we going?" I asked timidly. He just smiled at me with bright eyes and continued to lead me through more streets I didn't really recognise. The way his eyes were darting around made me think he was avoiding someone, then again I could have just been imagining things, I did that quite a lot. He kept his head low and I instinctively leant into his body, feeling that we weren't safe somehow. A few men passed behind us and he began to quicken his pace. "Jack…you scaring me." I whispered to him, but all he did was hold me tighter. Then the voice came from behind us, it made Jack stop dead in his tracks and stiffen his body. They had the same accent as Jack, London, and from the same area too. The voice was low, gruff and chilling. "Where you headed boy?"

He gave me a squeeze and then let me go, turning slowly and rigidly towards the figure. It was dark but I could make him out, he wasn't a young man, with a weather worn face and kohl under his eyes that matched Jacks. He had long thick dreadlocks, tied back with a bandana and various trinkets tied into them. He wore a large hat with a feather in it and a magnificent, long, embroidered coat with huge cuffs. "What do you want dad." Jack said through gritted teeth, I raised my eyebrows. Jacks father, what was he doing here? "That's captain to you boy, so long as your crewin' my ship." He said calmly yet threateningly, ah that explained things then. He stalked over in our direction his eyes cutting in to me. He walked in slow circles around me, looking me up and down with a slight look of distaste on his features. "Who's this" He spat, not bothering to look in his son's direction. Jack swallowed loudly. "This is um Fi… um that is I should say Ealasaid! She be from Scotland." He sounded almost proud when he said it, it would have made me smile if I wasn't being so intensely intimidated by the man before me. "I don't give a shit where she's from! Is she whore." He asked venomously. Jack looked shocked, his mouth gaping open. "uh…no, no." He lied for me, though I'm not sure if he knew he was lying. "Bar wench?" He took another guess. "Well uh…" Jack stuttered. This time he spoke to me. "What's your game girl?" He asked, narrowing his eyes. All I could do was shake my head, too frightened to speak. He whirled around to jack, and spoke close to his face, very softly. "No boy of mine is to talk to or be seen with a dirty creature like this do you understand that." Jack frowned deeply but said nothing, perhaps Jack's father would do to him what mine had done to me. Now he whispered in my ear, "Get out of my sight." And as quickly as my blistered feet could carry me I sprinted away from them both, large tears streaking down my face.

**Did you like!? Me wants to know! Go on scaredy cats, leave a review I don't bite…much ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

Howdy yall! SO I may have gone a wee bitty over the top with the last chapter xD Haha sorry I do tend to do that :/ woops! :P But just review and be like "Oh hell to the no!" and then set me straight so a huge thank you to Elliot, its good to get some constructive criticism And to all me lovely reviewers! Cheers me dears! Ok so if you are reading for the first time then REVIEW XXXX

All I could do was cry. My body convulsed violently with the sobs that ripped through my chest, so much so that my head began to hurt. I found it too hard to breath through the tears that would just not stop. Salt water streamed down my face, everything blurred and I let out strange, strangled noises from the back of my throat. He had been rushing me away because he knew what would happen. I knew I was worthless, but it still hurt. And what I must say is I sometimes found myself feeling sad. Very sad. So apocalyptically sad it felt as though everything I could see had suddenly turned grey, I physically hurt, like I was at the bottom of a deep, dark hole and I just couldn't get out. Sometimes I could hardly move. I would lay on the floor for hours not moving, wishing I didn't have to breath, wanting to just not really…be. And it is at times like that when I have my 'tendencies'. When I feel it is better and easier to not live because living hurts too damn much, like a huge weight that I cant support crushing down on me and yet some how I must support it. I had been told that I was ill... that I was hysterical or just a lunatic, but I had wondered sometimes about just giving in. I remember one day, when a long time ago when I was still in Alba, I had been cooking, holding a knife in my hand and it had suddenly occurred to me how simple it would be just to send myself into the nothingness. A flick of the wrist, a blade to the neck and I would be forever floating in darkness. Not having to breathe, not having to move, not having to be. But I didn't dare, I was too scared. And I remember the very next morning, beholding one of the most beautiful sun rises I had ever seen. After tonight, I felt that life shattering sadness creeping in, sometimes it came without warning at all and for no reason but this was…inevitable. I curled up in a tiny ball just wishing that the pain would go away. Tonight would be tough but I was determined not too give in. But never being able too see the only almost friend I had again, that thought was too much. It swam around my mind and danced in my clouded vision. Taunting me, always making sure I gave all my attention and all my focus too it, endless torment that was rapidly becoming too much to bear. I thudded down against the cold, filthy cobbles of the dark street, letting the dirt ruin my dress, face and hair. Truly oblivious to everything except how cold everything suddenly seemed. "Just kill yourself." A sing song voice said. "What?" I breathed no power in my voice. I tried to look for where the voice was coming from, it whispered and shrieked, urging me to do the unspeakable and bleed until I could bleed no more, and feel no more. I still couldn't see the person who was saying all this too me, they sounded like they were everywhere or kept moving around. I squinted in the darkness, but still I saw no one. I widened my eyes. The voice, this awful voice… was in my head. "Go away." I whimpered. "Please go away, go away, GO AWAY!" I shook my head back and forth as if that would somehow get it out, rocking back and forth. I kept muttering, I didn't really want to scream, my throat already hurt. It seemed like eventually the voice would listen to me and then go away. "Go away, go away, go away…" it started to laugh at me, it giggled in a sickly musical way. This had happened before. Every time I hoped and even thought it would be the last time. But then unexpectedly, it would happen again and it was always this same disgustingly sweet, taunting voice. I put my hands against the sides of my head, clutching at my hair. "GET OUT!" I screamed, so much for not wanting to do that. The voice was getting so loud I couldn't hear anything else. It told me I was pathetic, useless and doomed. It said I was going to hell so why didn't I just send myself there quicker. "No I won't, not this time, I tried before and it didn't work now GO AWAY!" I yelled at it banging my head as hard as I could manage against the brick wall. My neck was so weak I couldn't do much, I tried again but something stopped me, I hit something sort of soft and warm with a dull thud. Great now I was hallucinating completely, brick walls aren't warm and they certainly aren't soft. "Do it, just do it, no one want you here, not even you yourself now what does that say about your existence?" It sneered. "I told you I WONT! I CAN'T NOT THIS TIME!" I spat through gritted teeth, sounding weak and pathetic no matter how much I increased my volume. I was being held off the ground, floating and crashing at the same time. I screamed and screamed but the voice would not leave me. Even bigger tears poured over my eyes until they were red and sore. It was terrifying, to hear something with no physical form urging you too kill yourself. Terrifying to the point of impossibility. I can't imagine how I looked, screaming and writhing there in the dirt. And all over something so small. But that was the thing about these feelings I sometimes had, there really was no reason why, not one that I could see anyway. If there was a reason then someone could help me. Slowly, as the sun began to rise in the early hours of the morning, my screams turned to submissive whimpers and I began to see reality again.

"Fin what the **HELL** were you doing!? You scared me half to death!" _Great,_ I groaned internally, more voices. And this one sounded just like Jack. I barely had the energy to whisper back at the new voice. "Please just stop, I can't take this anymore, I can't, I can't…" The voice sighed heftily at me. "Open your eyes." It instructed, though hesitant of what strange hallucinations may await me I did as the voice told me. Because of all the tears, my eyes were swollen and very dry making this far more difficult and uncomfortable a task than it maybe should have been. Things were blurry for a while, and, as they always were after I had had one of my 'special' moments, a sickly shade of grey. A grey man was there, with dark grey eyes and a grey bandana. _This_ voice wasn't in my head, and I was wasting time being an idiot. He had found me. When he spoke he softened his voice like he was talking to a child… or a dangerous lunatic about to jump from a high building. "Can you tell me who you were shouting at?" He was keeping a cautious distance, aware of his every movement. Wait, was he actually scared of me? I kept my eyes locked on his, I tried to answer, but my tongue refused to move. I opened my mouth once or twice but my mind just fogged up and went blank, my lips wouldn't form words and I shut it again. He tried again. "Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?" Well of course I was hurt! Do people usually scream at nothingness when they aren't hurt? Tell him, I shouted internally, my jaw trembled but nothing more happened, He must have thought I was an idiot as well as insane. Maybe I was. "Fin…" He said, reaching out with a hand to touch my shoulder, I don't know why but I flinched away from him, as though his touch would burn my skin. He looked hurt and slightly offended. And I knew why. Because all of a sudden I didn't recognise myself, I looked down into the water that pooled at my knees, and there was a deranged, muddy girl staring back at me. Her eyes were wild and tormented, her hair and face were covered in muck and blood. She frightened me and I didn't know who she was. Surely this wasn't _me_, those weren't _my _eyes. I didn't know her and neither did Jack. And naturally, I burst into tears. Jack looked on sympathetically but still kept his distance. "I…I'm crazy!" I wailed, feeling incredibly stupid. His expression instantly softened, though it took him a while to speak. There was a long silence whilst I sniffled and sobbed, trying to keep the volume of my ragged breathing to a minimum. "Well…" He began, swallowing loudly, obviously choosing his words carefully. "There are some people, an increasing number these days who believe that people like you are…ill. People who hear things or find it especially difficult to deal with anxiety or sadness aren't mad or bad people, but they need help. From doctors, because they have a problem that isn't their fault. Your not mad Fin." He had kept his voice unbearably soft and careful, still not daring to touch me. I didn't like being spoken to like a child but I had earned it, it was my fault. "Oh so I'm just sick, I have some dreadfully disease is that it?" I snapped out of no where, instantly wishing I could take back what I had said, because in actual fact, I was truly happy that attitudes were changing. Jack was clearly a believer that I wasn't a bad person, maybe I should be sent to prison or to do hard labour. But then the trouble was I didn't really feel _ill_. This was just the way I could always remember being, I felt awful, but I didn't feel like I had an illness. He sighed heavily but didn't answer. "Why did you come and find me, after what your father said…" I began pushing him to speak more, so he could break the awful silence there was in my head now. A contrast definitely to last night. " 'E just wants me to get married, and to someone he approves of. He hasn't been quite the same since mum died recently, don't worry he'll…he'll come around." It sounded more like he was reassuring himself by the time he had finished. I couldn't believe my selfishness, his mother had just died and here I was being all self pitying just because my senses decided to fuck with my mind like usual. "I'm sorry." I murmured quietly. Another sigh. I had never been approved of by anyone. 'Damn it, why should I even worry about, it isn't like I'm even involved with Jack, he probably has a girl or maybe even a fiancé back home, wherever his home is…' I told myself, trying desperately not to tear up again. The sad silence dragged on once again and I almost felt like rolling my eyes. I hung my head, hiding behind the hair that had fallen over my eyes. "Come on, let's get you somewhere safe." He said so quietly I could just about hear him. I felt so guilty as he helped me up, I couldn't keep depending on him just being there. I squirmed uncomfortably and I was worried he was angry at me; I was being an idiot after all. I would be angry with me. I couldn't stand the discomfort of the situation, I felt as though I was forcing a stranger who didn't care about me to look after me. "Um…I can just go, you should do what you want." I mumbled, but I knew he heard me. "See you." I finished and ran off, I would probably just go back to the tavern, the money I had earned last night might save me from a beating for being late. I didn't look back to see Jack's reaction, he was probably glad to be rid of me for once. _I_ would be glad to be rid of me.

I managed to actually have a pretty calm days work, nothing much happened which I was glad of, I didn't get hit, I didn't get hit _on_ either so I didn't have to bother with anyone tonight. I tried my best not to cry and did ok. The weather was nice and everything should have been alright. But what Jacks father had said, and what Jack had said and what that infernal voice had said just kept playing over in my mind. I sighed heavily to myself rubbing shaking hands over my face before climbing into the bed I had lied my way into getting. Most of the girls here stayed in rooms above the tavern and I had managed to convince my boss a customer would be joining me, who knows maybe one day he would let me have one like the other less troublesome girls. I had always put up a bit of a fight at first about selling myself and that's why he didn't like me much, I had dared to speak out against him. I pulled stained sheets up to my chin; I began to shiver and wrapped my arms around myself. My stomach groaned, I hadn't eaten today and my stomach hurt a little. It was quite nice to have a bed for once, even if it was uncomfortable and broken it was better then a street. I found it difficult to sleep despite my exhaustion. I stared out of the window until it was completely dark, I sighed again, let one tear roll down my cheek and blew out the candle by the bed side closing my eyes. ***THUMP*** I jolted up, my eyes widening hugely, what the hell was that. Something tumbled through my window. I heard a kind of muffled 'oof' and I realised someone was had gotten in. Oh god. I couldn't think what to do, I saw a black shape trying to lift itself of the floor. Before I could think about what I was doing I panicked, and screamed before picking up a small shovel used for fire ashes from the fire place and smashing them over the head as hard as I could. "**OW! **What are you doing you nutter? It's me! I wanted to bring you this." He said, and a hand held up a large, red apple.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi people! IM back and now that I actually have means to upload my stories again I shall be doing so I hope you enjoy, and DUDE WOULD IT KILL YA TO LEAVE A REVIEW ;) that is all xxx

I stopped dead. It took me a minuet to actually process the situation at hand. Jack Sparrow was lying in a heap on my floor. In the middle of the night. Having climbed up a building and through my window. And I had just attacked him. "Sorry." I mumbled looking at my feet, my eyebrows knitting together. Jack hooped to his feet with surprising agility. He was wearing his usual baggy shirt and brown trousers, but nothing else. His curly hair was up in a blood red ribbon sans bandana, and looked slightly windswept and unruly, a few of his curls falling around his face. His eyes were sparkling especially brightly and his cheeks flushed slightly pink. He smelt like fresh air, cold and salt. He looked so utterly beautiful, I almost had a brain haemorrhage. I spoke slowly, attempting not to stutter or just leave my jaw hanging open. "You climbed…through the window of a tavern…in the middle of the night…to bring me an apple…" I looked at his feet and almost laughed, "Without any shoes?" I raised my eyebrows at him, he seemed to consider what I had said for a while before smiling coyly at me. I caught a glimpse of a golden tooth near the back of his mouth, and was beginning to have a hard time not falling over. It was difficult having a friend who was this handsome. A long silence stretched between us as I tried to stop thinking about his cheekbones, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other, chewing on my lower lip. There was one question I had to ask him as much as I would rather just stare, "Uh…why?" He smiled softly and ridiculously sweetly at me. "I wanted to see you." He replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I smiled back, my heart felt like it was about to burst at those words. Someone wanted to see me, not just someone, Jack wanted to see me. I could have gone without food for another year and just lived off those words. "Why the apple?" I asked. That question seemed to throw him for a while as he chewed his bottom lip in consideration. "Well there's no easy way to say this Fin but…uh well, it kind of scared me when I saw you again, you look starved half to death." I could feel the tears begin pricking at my eyes. "Thanks." I whispered trying and failing to hide the fact I was kind of offended by this. Or more, I didn't want to actually here what I knew was true, I did try to be healthy! Well sort of… I turned and walked to my bed sensing the cautious smile drop from his face behind me. "No wait, I didn't mean it like that! You know I didn't, o come on Fin…" He moaned but I sat down on my bed folding my arms and looking away. I heard him walk over and sit down beside me. "Go away" I said now, thoroughly in a huff. I had no idea why I was being so moody, I knew I was being a little stupid but I had a bad day and I wasn't totally relishing being told I look so bad it's actually frightening. Okay so maybe the bed didn't dip under my weight at all, and perhaps I had no real reason to be in a bad mood. Especially now that now that someone had just sat down next to me who might actually care. "Fin come on." He said softly, a touch of pleading in his voice, I could feel his hot breath on my face. "I know, I know, I should be out in the rain, repenting for my sins, I don't deserve this life! Oh woe is me! He said melodramatically, but he still kept his voice quite. I couldn't help but smile when I elbowed him playfully in the ribs. He chuckled softly and I could feel my anger melting away no matter how much I wanted to stay mad at him. He wrapped one arm around my shoulders and held up the apple with the other. "Please." He said making sure I could just feel him giving me huge puppy dog eyes. I turned to look at him, slightly shocked when I realised his face was just inches away from mine. "Fine." I said with a smile, yanking on the ribbon holding his hair back so that it flopped in front of his eyes and made him look like a wet spaniel. He put on a fake angry pout, stuck out his lip and blew his hair upwards. Which of course had no effect except making me giggle like an idiot. He shoved he apple in my mouth to shut me up, which made him laugh much harder than I had. I scowled at him, but began to eat the apple obediently. It was so sweet and utterly delicious that I almost forgot that Jack was there. I probably would have were it not for the fact he looked pretty much just as sweet and delicious with his shirt hanging open down to his lower torso. He was skinny but in a lean, muscular way. When I finished he was staring out of the window at the other side of the room. With, I dare say, expert aim, I threw the apple and hit him right in the side of the head. "Ahhh!" Jack wined, rubbing his head. I laughed at him. A lot. He attempted to look daggers at me, but failing and maintaining a wolfish grin on his face the entire time. He picked up the apple core and began to walk towards the window. The sky was the darkest I think I have ever seen, but the steady glow of candles and lanterns bathed everything in a soft, dim light. It was warm and muggy outside, the kind of humidity that makes it slightly uncomfortable to breathe. "Watch this." He said, hearing the mischievous smile in his voice I hopped off the bed to go and stand next to him by the windowsill. Jack pointed to the people down below, specifically to a man in quite fine clothing for Tortuga, who was busy chatting up a prostitute. "See that man, I bet I could hit him on the head from here." He smirked at me. "No way he's too far." I said, shaking my head, the man was ages away, surely Jack's aim wasn't that good. "Tell you what, if I hit 'im, I'm allowed to come back tomorrow night." I wasn't so sure, if I got caught with a non-paying customer, I was out of a job. "Jack…" I said hesitantly. "It's a deal then!" He said cheerfully, I rolled my eyes at him but consented anyway, truth be told I did desperately want him to come back. "Now." HE said aiming his shot. "Never gonna happen." I taunted in a sing song voice. He shot me a smug sideways glance and with a flick of his wrist chucked the apple down into the street, and sure enough hit the man square on the head. I saw the man cuss loudly then turn around and look _exactly_ at us. Jack's eyes widened and he pulled me to the ground as quick as he could. We had to cover our mouths to stop ourselves erupting with laughter, waking all the other girls and getting chucked out. So we just sat there making stupid sniggering noises. We heard the man hurl a few more curses at the window but soon he grew quiet and so did we. When the air of humour settled everything suddenly grew quite serious. I stared into his huge chocolate eyes, which had just a little bit of very neat kohl lining them, I understood it was for the sun but it also made the white of his eyes shine brighter, made him look dangerous and even more breath taking. I just wished with all my heart I didn't have secrets to hide from him. Part of me said I should just tell him but how could I do something like that? Just tell him, oh and by the way Jack I'm an insane drug addict who starves and mutilates herself, you know just for the hell of it, nothing to worry about, bye now. Oh yes I could see that going down _very_ well. I still couldn't stop the constant fear that he would find out, well the insanity bit he already knew about I suppose, god knows what he was thinking about that. He bought a hand up and rested it on the base of my neck. "About last night." He began. Ok here it comes, the great I never want to talk to you again you lunatic now goodbye. My breath hitched in my throat. "Mmm, I'm no expert and I can't really judge but I'm just really worried about you because that, well that wasn't decidedly normal luv." He looked up at me through his eye lashes, but I was frozen. He sighed "Finvarra breathe." It was stupid that he had to instruct me to do so but he did. I drew in a sharp jagged breath that stung slightly. "I see things, I…I hear things." I whispered. Jack's eyes got very big and very sympathetic, almost pitying which I didn't like. He took his hand from behind my neck and placed the back of it on my cheek, using his thumb to wipe away some moisture from below my eye which I had no idea was there until now. "Terrible things." I breathed, staring right through Jack and into the eyes of all my demons. I didn't see Jack anymore. I didn't see anything. I just stayed very still because I could feel he shadows laughing at me, they eat me from the inside out. Colours I couldn't understand that had no shape but terrified me to no end, that's what I saw now, or rather what I felt. I often couldn't differentiate between what I saw, what I heard and what I felt. I didn't have a heart. I didn't have a soul. Because they were floating somewhere, lost and far away. But I was still here, trapped in a prison made of bones and flesh. That's why I didn't want to eat lately though I only realised now. Because the less flesh there was to my prison the closer I felt to being free. And I couldn't figure out for the life of me what the freedom I wanted was. I just couldn't put my figure on it. And if that freedom was death I could never take it and be happy. I was utterly addicted to self-mutilation. Because I felt so trapped. A prison within a prison. Only there were other prisons in it too. I wanted to be free of the one I was bound in, free of my body and mind but not free of the world. Only I could not leave one without leaving both. It only made sense to _me_, only made _me_ upset. Some little black flames danced and flickered in my mind, some little black flowers began to grow in my sky. Did other people see them? Could other people see them? No. That was why I was crazy. But I didn't feel crazy. If I could just catch that damn soul…

I woke up. Not from sleep. From something far worse and far less preventable. I was still sitting on the floor. The sun was beginning to rise and a warm breeze blew through the open window. Why was the window open? "You've stopped breathing again." Oh yes, Jack. I had forgotten he was hear. I gasped, oh yes, I had forgotten to breath. "How long have I been…you know." I didn't know what to call it, catatonic? Or delirious? Maybe that would fit. The look on his face told me I didn't want to know the answer to my question. I mumbled an apology. He sighed heavily "Don't dare say sorry, I'm so worried about you, none of this is your fault and I want to say I understand and I want to help and I want to say I know but…I'm not sure how." His tone was so despairing it made me quite sad. I rolled my eyes at the world. "No one does." I said as though it was a line I had learnt and just repeated, not really hearing what it meant anymore. I didn't hear what it meant, I felt what it meant. "But I can don't you see, we're each of us only eighteen or there about, we have our whole lives ahead of us and I can learn, we can learn. I can _learn_ to know and to understand and to help and you can teach me." He smiled at me. A heartbreakingly beautiful smile with so much depth and care to it, I felt it wash through my whole body. I couldn't believe that even when I felt so low and so ashamed, Jack could still conjure a feeling from me that made me capable of smiling back. "O.K." I said quietly. His smile turned into the biggest grin I had seen on his face yet. "And…maybe I can teach you a thing or two as well." I cocked my head to the side questioningly, doubting my ability to speak much at this point in time. "To read, and wright if you'd like. I can tell you about ships and how to sail them, so you'll never feel useless. I can show you the constellations and what they are, and how to navigate by them so you'll never be lost. I can show you the best poems in the world so you'll never be short of words. Anything and everything I know, you name it I promise to teach you and show you. Because there's a world out there that you have been kept from for too long." His eyes went somewhere far away when he was speaking about all this. HE was looking at a place, either in the future or the past, I couldn't tell, but the wistful smile on his lips and the twinkle in his eye told me it was wonderful beyond all imagination. I hoped he would show me it. It felt like he could. I couldn't deny I was incredibly moved by his promise. I looked over his face again but I only had time to stare at him like a girl possessed for a few seconds because we began to hear people stirring down in the tavern. Jack leaned into me, putting his cheek next to mine, obviously causing my heart to nearly fly out of my chest and my breathing to become yet more ragged when he leant to whisper in my ear "I'll come back tomorrow at dusk and stay on to dawn, I promise." He drew back and placed a lingering kiss on my cheek before springing back up and levering himself out of the window. I heard a dull thud when I suppose he had gotten to the street and stayed as still and as silent as possible so as to listen to his footsteps until I hear the very last one fade into the night. I slowly got up and walked over to the bed, lying down and curling up on my side. I needed sleep. And, for the first time in a long time I felt as though I had the right to sleep, I deserved sleep. And so sleep I did.

I think knowing that Jack was coming back to see me was the only thing that gave me the strength to get through the next day. Because as far as mental stability was concerned, it wasn't the best day. It came over me suddenly. I was serving drinks in the bar as usual, when I placed one next to a man who then turned and spoke to someone next to him. They were talking about me. I could feel it. Then, I knew. Everyone in the tavern was talking about me. I got this notion that they were all involved in a conspiracy, they were going to keep Jack from seeing me, they would hurt him and then hurt me. It felt as though everyone was in on it. I was so gut-wrenchingly terrified I just sort of stayed in one dark corner for most of that day. But then just as always, as quickly as I had gotten the notion, it passed. Everything was normal again. I think the fact that I knew it was a ridiculous thing to think once it had passed proved I wasn't completely delusional, just anxious perhaps, paranoid at most. I had just gotten back up to the room I had apparently earned the right to stay in now. I bit back my tears. This madness was killing me. And all I could think was 'Jack, hurry'

Hope ye enjoyed me lovelies, it's a little dark but hey, I did warn you ;) REVIEW PLEASE!


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